im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
