Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
