Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize