Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
