im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
