Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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