I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
