Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Acid is not a monday night drug
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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