closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
