JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
