He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
