Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I puked a lego.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
