i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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