Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
