I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
