But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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