Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
