here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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