Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
