my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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