What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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