...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
