i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
