She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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