I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
