We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
