it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
