This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize