dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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