Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
