would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
