Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
