you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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