My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
