That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
