So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize