he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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