Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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