dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
