Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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