wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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