Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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