My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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