life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
