tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
no you cant smoke seaweed
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
