a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i now understand why vodka
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
