I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
