She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
