seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
