So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
