my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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