you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
