Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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