Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
