hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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