Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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