I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
