ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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