So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
