have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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