Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
