So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
